Updated 22 September 2008
In the name of Allah the Beneficent the Merciful
LEAVING FOR IRAN:
When I left home, it was the first time I was travelling on my own. I was leaving home for a long time, by myself and going somewhere where I did not know anyone. I was feeling scared and excited at the same time, I was afraid of the unknown but excited to be able to have a fresh start, to go to a place where nobody had any expectations of me. I wanted to go on this trip to strengthen my faith and understand it better, to become a better Muslim and to go beyond just performing the basic wajib acts. I wanted to get closer to Allah and meet the ones who train our scholars in the west; I wanted to go to the source of knowledge.
When I arrived in London, I started to meet with some of the other participants. I felt a bit out of place because the majority of them were from London or its surroundings and had something in common. It was on the flight that I really got to speak with most of the brothers and got to know them better. Just after the 6 hour flight to Tehran I felt like I was no longer travelling alone, I was now travelling with 20 friends. Everyone on this trip had similar intentions: "getting closer to Allah (SWT)", maybe that is why we all connected so fast, within a day we all felt like brothers.
IN QUM:
On the way to Qum, all I could see was signs of poverty where every house was falling into ruins. We arrived at the city of Qum at the door step of Madrasah Imam Khomeini where we would be staying. To my surprise, the building was magnificent; it was covered in beautiful paintings and had a grandiose architecture. The rooms were very nice and spacious and had very good air conditioning. It seemed that we were having VIP treatment when comparing our accommodation to how the local Iranians were living, yet we had even more luxury back home and we just take it for granted.
During my first ziyarat to Bibi Masuma-e-Qum, I found it difficult to connect at first, but with the other participants' help I was able to understand and feel my Ziyarats. It also bothered me that the Haram was covered in gold and beautiful paintings yet all the inhabitants of the city lived in horrible conditions. Later I understood the level of piety and humility of most these people, they are able to detach themselves from their material pleasures thus give all their money to glorify the great personality they are blessed to be neighbours with.
For the first two Tuesdays of our trip we went to Masjid-e-Jamkaran to recite Dua-e-Tawassul. You could see the masses coming from all over Iran just to recite the dua of intercession as close as possible to the Imam of the time (atfs) and maybe one day be honoured to meet him. During the Dua, the reciter as well as all the people present were filled with passion and prayed with their hearts. It seemed that even though they are present every week their passion and energy does not fade with time but only gets reinforced. In the West, we read dua very mechanically and more often than not we focus on making the dua sound beautiful rather than understanding it. It was a great experience to see how dua should be recited and to feel the spiritual presence of the Imam (atfs).
Throughout our stay in Iran, we met with many reputable Ulama and spoke to them about general issues pertaining to religion. It was very interesting to see the difference in what they had to say compared to what commonly our people believe. It was very easy to see that our people have a tendency to mix religion with culture to an extent that they do not see the difference between the two. One of the sheikhs said: "Islam is like pure water, the whole world wants it but some of our people serve it in dirty glasses". It is sad to see our people have such misconceptions about our faith and go astray from the teachings of the Ahlul Bayt without even realizing it. What will the Imam of our time say when he comes back and sees this kind of behaviour? The more I learn the more it becomes clear that this is the rut of many problems Muslims face around the world: culture.
IN MASHHAD:
Going to Mashhad was by far the most rewarding experience of the trip. When we arrived, we were all extremely tired and decided to rest to be in a good state of mind before going to the Haram. Just as we entered the door of the Haram, we could sense the presence of Imam Ridha (as), you could hear him calling you; my heart was bouncing uncontrollably in my chest. All of us entered the shrine in silence; we did not say a thing until we reached the courtyard where we were going to pray Zuh'r and Asr. After namaz, Sayyed Kaviani lead us to recite our first Ziyarat, it was one of the most emotional Ziyarats I had ever read. We then all stood there speechless in front of the Imam (as) and enjoyed his presence. Many of us came to Mashhad with many questions, doubts and fears but when we left we had all received answers and returned home in peace.
GOING BACK HOME:
At Tehran airport, ready to leave not knowing when or if I would come back I did not feel sorrow, I did not feel sad. Others were surprised to see me so cheerful after having such an extraordinary experience you would think that one would be sad to leave. The reason for this emotion is that during the last part of my trip the only thing I was thinking about was how to keep what I learned and make sure my trip was not wasted, how to bring the city of Qum with me everywhere I go. On the verge of leaving, which is how I felt, I was bringing a big package home.
After I left Iran, I spent some time in Europe to visit relatives. For the first time in my trip I started to feel homesick, I felt like I wanted to go home and did not want to travel anymore. A few days later I started feeling a spiritual low and felt it was difficult to worship Allah. When I returned to London we had a mini reunion with some of the other guys on the trip, there all the memories and emotions from Iran came back. When it was time to leave London I realized that going home would be even harder than I had planned. I had difficulties leaving and felt sorrow. I was feeling homesick yet sad that I was going home, I did not want to find myself alone and away from my new found brothers.
When I got home I was happy to see my family again, but somehow it felt as if I had never left, it felt good to be home. However I noticed that I had already lost the spirituality I had gained during my trip. When I looked at myself in the mirror I saw myself the same way I did before I left for Iran. I prayed for help and guidance then realized that I was in fact scared to face the difficulties of the West. When I was in the holy city of Qum, a great man told me once: "When life is difficult, we should not complain to Allah but we should thank Him, because it just means He loves us more". When I thought of the most beautiful thing that happened to me, I realized that it was very difficult for me to get there. I also thought of the Ahlul Bayt (as), how difficult was their test? And who would Allah love more than them? At that time I made an oath to take difficulty for what it truly is: a blessing. I now realize how lucky we are to live in the difficult West, Inshallah I shall remember this not to lose hope and to continue my journey in they way of the Ahlul Bays (as). Maybe one day I shall return to Iran to strengthen myself spiritually and continue my struggle as a Muslim in the West.